72. Embracing Singlehood for The Power of Self-Discovery & Self-Love.

In this episode, Shay and Rebecca explore the nuances of being single in today's world. They discuss the societal pressures surrounding relationships, the importance of self-discovery, and the particularities of attachment styles. Being single doesn't have to be a lonely experience - it's about learning to love being alone and loving yourself. This bestie chit chat dives into the value of personal growth during singlehood and the need for balance in life priorities. Through their experiences, they highlight the joys and challenges of navigating life as single individuals, while also addressing the importance of emotional health and self-care. R & S get into their personal journeys with self-love and personal growth sparked by their different seasons of singlehood. There is medicine and magic in being single that are missed if you're always looking for the next person to love - the first person you need to do that with is yourself. Ready to love your singlehood era? 

Key Moments

• Being single can be a fulfilling and enjoyable experience.
• Many people are in relationships for the wrong reasons, often settling for less.
• The societal pressure to be in a relationship can be overwhelming, especially for those in their 30s.
• Self-discovery and personal growth are crucial during singlehood.
• Understanding attachment styles can improve future relationships.
• It's important to take time to heal and reflect after a relationship ends.
• It's possible to have it all, but not all at the same time. 
• The urge to merge can create pressure, but staying grounded is key.
• Building a life you love is essential, regardless of relationship status.
• Being single can be a multifaceted experience with both joys and challenges.
• Self-love and independence are crucial for personal growth.
• Healthy relationships require compromise, not sacrifice.
• Finding fulfillment in solitude can lead to genuine self-love.
• Exploring personal interests is vital during singlehood.
• Being comfortable with oneself attracts the right partner.
• Thriving in singlehood means recognizing that a partner is a complementary piece, not a necessity.
• Creating community and connection enhances the single experience.

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Chapters

• 8:06 Embracing the Single Season
• 21:08 Understanding Attachment Styles
• 25:15 Maximizing Time as a Single
• 28:33 Balancing Life's Priorities
• 34:18 Navigating the Urge to Merge
• 36:44 Building a Life You Love
• 39:09 The Complexity of Being Single
• 41:35 Embracing Independence and Self-Love
• 45:18 The Nuances of Relationships
• 51:20 Thriving in Singlehood
• 57:06 Finding Fulfillment in Solitude

Transcript

Shay Frago (00:01.098)
Alright, hello hello! Welcome everyone to another episode of Vida. We are close to the weekend and I feel like April is just kind of a crazy month for us so we're recording on a different day and it's kind of throwing my schedule off a little bit. But yay, we're here, we're doing it, we are committed to the vision and all the things. I'm honestly just very proud of us.

Rebecca Espinoza (00:20.075)
Yeah, I know.

Shay Frago (00:29.55)
rolling with the punches today, honestly. But before we dive into today's fun, I think it's gonna be another fun topic.

Rebecca Espinoza (00:43.607)
Hmm, I've been feeling...

Rebecca Espinoza (00:49.839)
Kind of like a little all over the place, but it feels like it's that all over all over the place that feels too much like a norm, but it shouldn't be a norm. Like just, yeah, things are full. I think the spring energy is in full swing, at least here in LA. Like the sun is shining. It's fucking hot. It's like mid. It's like 85 degrees right now. And yeah, it's just like, yeah, the energy feels really alive.

Shay Frago (01:01.451)
Yeah.

Shay Frago (01:16.588)
Yeah.

Rebecca Espinoza (01:20.143)
I just had a Yang-Yin session, like Yang-Yin coaching session with Rory. And yeah, I think I'm getting really clear on some shit that I just like need to move and kind of bridging some pieces together that are conflicting like parts work and finally just getting into this new level of the self that I know I can be and I wanna be and it's scary. So that's been...

really alive and I've been doing my TVM work too. So it's just like in the work right now. But something that came through for me, which we talked about in our last episode, one of our episodes is like, just slow down and play more, enjoy more. Don't be so much in the rigidity of like, okay, work, I have my schedule, do this, this other project I need to do, get through it and then do my inner work and then go to bed at 9.30 PM. Cause then I have to wake up at 5 AM to go to the gym. Like.

It's just this this rigidity and schedule that I think I need to like ease up on and just enjoy and play. I'm going to my cousin invited me last minute. She has an extra ticket to a rooftop movie in downtown and we're going to go see How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, which is one I know one of my favorites. I fucking love that movie. It's like OG rom-com. That's Matthew McConaughey during those years.

Shay Frago (02:39.07)
Yeah, he was, I still love him. I know some people think he's crazy now. like, makes me love him more. Yeah, I'm like, no, I'm like.

Rebecca Espinoza (02:48.109)
I know, he's here.

No, I think he's just like very awake and he's not afraid to talk about it. And that's what I think that industry needs, which I also really appreciate. I don't know if you've seen it yet, but you probably haven't because I don't know if you watch this kind of TV, because I usually don't. Aaron loves this kind of TV. The Night Agent.

Shay Frago (03:09.77)
I know. Yeah, I haven't watched it, but I know what it is.

Rebecca Espinoza (03:14.359)
It's actually pretty good, just like the storylines and development and there is a love story in there. They're fully trauma bonded, I will say, like in that love story. But the guy is so hot, the main actor, and that's why I really watched it. My daddy used to watch it, so I would sit down and watch with him sometimes and I was like, this man is very attractive. But he is very outspoken in his interviews and he doesn't give a fuck. Like he just like is, and I love it.

Shay Frago (03:20.637)
You

Rebecca Espinoza (03:42.083)
So I'm here for that stuff. So yeah, I just wanted to play more. And I also just got some outfits from that came in for LAB for lightning in a bottle. Our camp, like the camp we're staying at, one of the themes they're doing is dune, desert dune. So I'm just like, okay, that's gonna be fun. I didn't like any of the outfits that came. So back to the drawing board. Anyways, that's where I'm at. Just trying to find some balance in the.

Shay Frago (03:50.406)
Bummer.

Rebecca Espinoza (04:11.375)
play with all of the seriousness in life. But yeah, como esta tu corazon?

Shay Frago (04:18.296)
I would almost say similarly. I think in this very moment in time, agitated would be the right word. It's been like not in a negative way either, even though that holds like a heavy tone. It's just kind of been today went unexpected where like things with work shifted really early this morning. So I like how

Rebecca Espinoza (04:26.382)
okay.

Rebecca Espinoza (04:40.879)
Shay Frago (04:41.595)
work significantly earlier and then it was like because I had to do that earlier it put everything on my schedule about three and a half hours behind. And that's just never, that's just never fun honestly. It's been like a fun day, a full day, but it's been a back to back day where it's just like I haven't had more than maybe 10 minutes to like go to the bathroom and like eat a snack. I just don't do well with my schedules like that.

Rebecca Espinoza (04:49.007)
Ugh.

Shay Frago (05:06.715)
and so it's just been a very full day and so I can feel the like, just that need in me to just slow down and just be for a moment is really feeling present. And I'm like, all right, well, it's, it's one time. It's just, I'm also feeling a little agitated. That's all. Yeah. That's not my norm. Thankfully, no. Yeah. So it's been, it's been a good day. It just has also been a very full day and I was ready for rest.

Rebecca Espinoza (05:17.935)
Mm-hmm.

Rebecca Espinoza (05:25.251)
Yeah, thankfully that's not your norm.

Rebecca Espinoza (05:34.753)
Mm-hmm. Yeah. Do you have rest this weekend or no? you're going to the boys.

Shay Frago (05:35.532)
That's all it is.

Shay Frago (05:40.582)
Kind of. It's a lot of birthdays this week. I'm really excited though because it's two of my really good friends birthdays. It's like Josh's birthday tomorrow and then it's like Kelsey's birthday on Sunday. So lots of birthday celebrations. The weather here is also gotten really nice like high 60s which feels really nice for us. Like full on spring so it should be good weather.

Rebecca Espinoza (05:56.015)
Mmm.

Shay Frago (06:09.893)
And yeah, so not really like a down weekend, but it is play and it is fun. And it's like work. I think like if I have back to back work stuff, that's what really kind of like drains me a little bit just because I have to be on in a different way. like socializing does fill my cup. And then for the most part, have like Sunday evening to recoup before the week starts. It's just these next today was an unexpected back to back day and tomorrow is a back to back day. So that's what I'm like.

Rebecca Espinoza (06:15.471)
Mm-hmm.

Rebecca Espinoza (06:26.787)
Yeah.

Rebecca Espinoza (06:39.043)
Mm-hmm.

Shay Frago (06:40.023)
My nervousness is like, just, I like the spaciousness. It like, honestly stresses me out. It's something that I like, I don't know if I'll ever get over it. I'm just someone who operates better with at least a minimum 30 minutes in between like work things or even activities. And I don't know, but that's okay. Yeah.

Rebecca Espinoza (06:54.115)
Yeah.

Rebecca Espinoza (06:58.777)
Yeah, it's not your usual schedule. And I think it's important to know how we function and how we function best so we can know how to break up, just fill in our moments and our calendars with those things that do make us happy. Because yeah, I'm just, I feel you on that. I told my cousin today on the phone, was like, I'm not cut out for nine to five life. I'm sorry, but I'm not.

Shay Frago (07:13.764)
Yeah.

Shay Frago (07:24.676)
Yeah, anyone who like literally jumps from work to activity or work to work to work to activity. I'm like, I cannot do that. I need like an hour of breathing room between everything preferred. But it's like, how do people do that? Not not one.

Rebecca Espinoza (07:40.943)
Well, I just don't think our bodies were meant to do that. But the way our world has developed, we've pinpointed it or like we've decided it's a norm to do that. And our body has gotten used to it, but it's not used to it. It's definitely like there's definitely signs if you look there, like the burnout and like, oh, I'm just like tired or I just like can't sleep. It's like, yeah, it's happening. It's for a reason.

Shay Frago (07:52.074)
Yeah. Yeah.

Shay Frago (08:06.355)
Yeah, for sure. Well, let's go ahead and dive into today's topic, which I feel like ties into what you were sharing earlier with doing the work. feel like this topic is a strong one. But we wanted to talk today about being in the season of single because both of us are single together again. It's been a little while.

I think it takes courage and bravery to say that being single is actually enjoyable. It can be enjoyable. It can be a great thing. And that's not to say that we don't want a partnership and deeply ache for it some days. I'm of an ache.

Rebecca Espinoza (08:45.167)
Mm-hmm.

Rebecca Espinoza (08:53.609)
egg. The longing is the yearning and the longing.

Shay Frago (08:58.433)
Yeah, it's not even that at all. However, I would say that our group of girlfriends and I would say people in my own life and I'm sure in your life too, Pekka, have just been like, honestly, I wish that I had your mindset and lived the way you live and how you see singledom because a lot of people see it as like a negative thing and especially like, at least for me, I'll speak for myself, like being someone close to her mid 30s.

people think of like, there something wrong with you for you to still be single? It's like, no. I just, there's a very specific type of relationship dynamic that I want and I'm anything that doesn't add value to my life. It's just kind of like, no, I'm not gonna just be in a relationship. And I think, I think a lot of people are in relationships for the wrong reasons. I'm gonna be honest. Like just put it out there. I don't think a lot of people can find.

the joy and happiness in being single. So that's why we wanted to talk about today's episode.

Rebecca Espinoza (09:59.215)
Yeah, I think there's there's so many nuanced perspectives and diverse perspectives on being single. And at end of the day, I don't I do think that we are meant to be in relation, obviously, people. And yeah, I think I think I don't know, I actually don't know what people think when they they know that I'm single. Like, I don't know what

Shay Frago (10:10.505)
on your first.

Rebecca Espinoza (10:26.223)
people may think, because I think a lot of people around me actually are single. I do have a few people in relationships that are in my life, but I think a lot of people nowadays you will find it's very common for them to be single in their 30s and they're going into their 30s and their 40s. And obviously we've talked about dating and these topics and past episodes and our perspectives on them, but and how modern day dating the trajectory that it's on right now and just

Shay Frago (10:29.981)
Yeah.

Rebecca Espinoza (10:54.499)
the landscape of it and how it can be a bit tricky. But I think we both right now are on opposite, not opposite ends of spectrum, but like we are on different experiences of being single because you're newly single. And I have been single for feels like my whole fucking life. It's been years since I've been in a long term committed relationship, like years.

And without it being a situationship, without me having to question like, oh, are we building a life together? I haven't had that since like probably 2018. So we'll get into like the nuance differences of these different states of singlehood. But yeah, it's funny because I think being single at this age has become a norm in some ways. even my thea is like,

Shay Frago (11:44.335)
Go for it.

Rebecca Espinoza (11:46.637)
you know, they'll ask me, they know about like who I'm dating, when I'm dating and all the things. And, you know, these are women who are in their 60s, right? And they'll tell me now they'll just be like, obviously, this whole conversation is in Spanish, but they'll be like, good, you know, stay single, don't settle, don't like, you know, don't be in a rush to have kids. And I think if, you know, if I was my age when I was their age, when they were,

Shay Frago (12:03.962)
You

Rebecca Espinoza (12:16.525)
younger, I think the narrative would have been very different because obviously of the stereotypes and the expectations that were put on people during that time and in that age range. But they're just like telling me they're like, yeah, you you need a date, you need a you need to go experience and live your life because of all of the hard marriages that they've had.

Shay Frago (12:18.773)
Okay.

Rebecca Espinoza (12:41.475)
They've learned like, I stay too long. I've settled. I like you said, some people are in relationships for the wrong reasons. And my theas definitely were in varying relationships. And now they tell me like, and they've seen their kids being like not the best marriages. They tell me they're just like, no, do not rush into it. Like they're like, you know what? Leave him. He's not he's not giving you what you need. Leave him. Leave him. You deserve better. Like they're so willingly advocating for me in that. And that makes me feel really good because that

doesn't make me feel like I'm an anomaly because even my tías who are in their 60s are just being like supportive about where I'm at right now. So that feels really good. And I think especially in a Mexican family, won't, that's, I think that's kind of progressive in a traditional Mexican family.

Shay Frago (13:27.282)
Yeah. For sure. Yes. Well, since we talked about and touched upon how I'm newly single and you're not necessarily. But how long have you been single? And then I will share.

Rebecca Espinoza (13:46.863)
So how do we want to define single and in a relationship?

Shay Frago (13:53.499)
I mean, yeah, I would say prior to this conversation, I was quote unquote single and put quotations as and I didn't have a boyfriend girlfriend label. But I had definitely had relationships that were exclusive, which we've talked about this before what is funny. It's just kind of like is an exclusivity essentially basically being boyfriend girlfriend without the label but that's

Rebecca Espinoza (14:11.107)
Go check out episode, I don't even know. It's about modern day dating.

Rebecca Espinoza (14:22.191)
you would think.

Shay Frago (14:23.286)
These silly, the silly nuances of the modern day dating world. Yeah. So, I mean, I would say the way most people in our current climate would define being single is that you have not had a boyfriend girlfriend label.

Rebecca Espinoza (14:42.319)
Okay, so.

Shay Frago (14:45.739)
us. We laugh because it's kind of silly. It's not kind of.

Rebecca Espinoza (14:47.183)
So I know this is how we have to define it. 2018. So, boy, Jesus, that's a really long time. Yeah, like 2018, that's like, seven years? That's insane to me.

Shay Frago (15:03.673)
I mean, I was pretty much same boat on top.

Rebecca Espinoza (15:07.462)
Yeah, because then I had my, you know, motorcycle Dutch ex European boy. We were together for a year, but it was. Yeah, it was like it was like a year and I was like, oh yeah, I think we're in relationship. But as you know, once we talked about our other episode, if you have to think you're not, it was definitely more of a situationship and we were never going to build a long term life together is what came to the surface. And we integrated.

Shay Frago (15:17.453)
I know it was a long time.

Rebecca Espinoza (15:36.269)
each other into our lives only halfway. So I would say fully like boyfriend girlfriend, we're in a committed relationship, we're going to build a life together 2018. And of course that is I will say I've dated since then obviously, but not to that level and extent. What about you?

Shay Frago (15:49.046)
Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Of course.

Shay Frago (16:00.024)
last year. And prior to last year, yeah, my last boyfriend girlfriend labeled relationship was 2017. So it was like about seven years before I had a labeled boyfriend. Like someone actually asked me that question. So it's really funny. And I remember thinking that I was like, well, I guess technically you're only my third boyfriend in my entire 33 years of existence. And I'm like, but

With that, I was talking to our friend Erin, who's been on the podcast, I was just like, okay, I've technically only had three boyfriends labeled as a boyfriend, but the amount of knowledge and depth I have around relating and what it means to be in a partnership is a lot more than people who have been in multiple relationships. I've had conversations with friends who have had 10 to 12 boyfriends or girlfriends. It's because you jump from relationship to relationship.

Rebecca Espinoza (16:46.073)
Mm-hmm.

Rebecca Espinoza (16:53.601)
Yeah, you're like a serial monogamous like

Shay Frago (16:55.626)
Yeah, and then you never learn anything about yourself. just kind of, like, that's why we want it.

Rebecca Espinoza (16:59.639)
No, because you're using the next relationship kind of is what I've come to learn and my ex situation, I feel like did that with me. It's like a buffer because you don't want to deal with the shit that happened in your last relationship. So you're just going to go into the next one and be like, yeah, like I don't I'm going to be in the honeymoon phase and I'm going to be in the like, you know, all the great parts of being in the beginning and then, no, that's not going to work and I'm going to do it again. And yeah, this is like my ex.

Shay Frago (17:16.351)
the wrong person.

Rebecca Espinoza (17:26.999)
situation ship was single for maybe like two months before he did that and actually the last guy I was with same fucking thing so I'm just like that says something there

Shay Frago (17:36.734)
Yeah, mean, I know that I choose I have chosen to be single and like in relationships take them 90 days to kind of just like reset and heal and learn from that. Because I think it's important to be by yourself for a certain amount of time to develop enough of a relationship with yourself that like you understand

Rebecca Espinoza (17:54.415)
Mm-hmm.

Shay Frago (18:01.34)
your own baggage that you're bringing into the relationship because all are going to bring something into the relationship. And if you're just jumping from relationship to relationship and you're afraid to be single and you're not like you're like, no, no, like I'm just a relationship person. It's like, no, if you're afraid to be single, then there's a there's something you're afraid to face within yourself. And if you never do, then you're just this is why I think people get so frustrated with dating is because you end up dating the same same person. It's the same pattern, but it's just a different face. So you keep having

Rebecca Espinoza (18:04.28)
Exactly.

Rebecca Espinoza (18:30.159)
with and yeah.

Shay Frago (18:30.984)
same experience over and over again, but it's just a different face. And that's frustrating and annoying and it's because you haven't taken the time to be with your own  And you need to. Like you need to. And like take some time in between the relationships, especially if you were in like a longer term relationship to reflect, to integrate what happened, to process that experience and be like, what do I want to do better? And how do I want to be better going into the next relationship? And that's personally why.

I take my time in between dating experiences and being newly single again, I'm not gonna go right into it even though there's a part of me that feels like I could. It's like, no, because I know that there's some things that I need to learn here and some things that I want to heal and be at a certain level within myself before I bring this stuff to another person because inevitably whoever I date is going to have to process some of this with me too because that's a relationship.

Rebecca Espinoza (19:25.785)
Yeah.

Shay Frago (19:28.592)
you too are bringing things into the dynamic and how are you going to navigate it and I'm just not in a place where I'm willing to navigate it with someone again.

Rebecca Espinoza (19:35.503)
Yeah, exactly. mean, when you are like when once you when you're in a relationship, you're constantly in an energetic exchange with the other person and they're a mirror, but they're a mirror from another perspective as well. So it's like your own channel, I feel like needs to be cleared and just to yourself so you can fully understand like what is going on internally, what it is that happened in the previous relationship. And like you said, so you can process it.

and be better or just show up more in the expression of the version you wanna be in a relationship. And this is, guess, for me, I guess, getting a little woo-woo. If you experience a very intimate relationship, obviously, you had sex and you were just intimate, you were intermingling your energetic bodies all of the time. For me, I personally feel like I have to cleanse and clear my fields.

from that person to like come back more to just myself a bit more before I let another person intermingle and intertwine with my energetic fields. Again, especially as women, when we have sex, we, that energy is literally being penetrated into us and like we hold that energy. So for me, like I, that's why I'm really big on doing womb massages and yoni work like after breakups because I'm just like, I need to like,

Shay Frago (20:36.509)
you

Rebecca Espinoza (21:03.855)
to just be more in myself and in my body.

Shay Frago (21:08.844)
Yeah. Yeah, for sure. Since we've been talking about doing the work and all of that kind of stuff, I think

We did a whole episode on attachment styles, if you guys haven't listened to me do. And I'd just be curious to know like from like today and like where you're at now and where it started in being single, like what would you say like your attachment style is like now when you're dating and whatnot?

Rebecca Espinoza (21:23.567)
Mm-hmm.

Rebecca Espinoza (21:40.665)
Yeah, I would say when I was newly single, was like highly avoidant. When I was in a relationship before that, I was very anxious. So I think I very much went to the extremes where I was like highly anxious and I became single and I was like highly avoidant of being in any kind of committed relationship. And then it would, and then I found security.

But then I would like step foot sometimes into a little bit of the anxious, into a little bit of avoidant. And I think that's normal, especially if you are being faced with a new person that brings up a new fears, potentially your same fears, like you said, but disguised in a different way. But I think the difference has been for me now is that I lean into when the anxious attachment comes up or the avoidant attachment comes up, I can notice that it's happening and I can lean into it. And then I can spark a conversation and issue a conversation with

my partner that I'm with and the last guy that I dated like, my God, I'm just like so proud of us. Like we, you know, we obviously didn't end up together, but damn the level of communication that we've been able to cultivate and just letting our guards down and the vulnerability and expressing our fears and with each other when this shit was coming up and then, finding security and stability through that was

In no way I've never had that with anyone before, even with my long-term ex. So I would say I'm mostly secure right now, but I do kind of weave into a bit of the anxious, I would say, every once in a while. But that is a big lesson for me to learn how to find security in myself. Yeah, what about you?

Shay Frago (23:28.524)
Yeah.

Shay Frago (23:32.447)
I would definitely say I'm like 80 % secure most of the time. And honestly, I thought I was more of an anxious attachment style person, but I'm actually very avoidant. And I feel like I've noticed that more in the last like, couple of years of just like, yeah, like I'm actually more avoidant. Like I considered myself anxious because I can be anxious, but

My anxiety gets triggered only in specific situations when it comes to my overall actual attachment style. I'm avoidant in the sense that like, I don't always want to express my feelings or I don't want to say what's wrong. I don't want to bring things to the table. So I avoid my own experience, therefore creates an avoidant dynamic in the relationship. And then usually something happens and then that triggers my anxiety. So that's kind of how my... Yeah, exactly.

Rebecca Espinoza (24:06.831)
Hmm.

Rebecca Espinoza (24:19.969)
Right. Well, I feel like all the built up build up like eventually leads to anxiety if you are someone who's a deep feeler and you're kind of going against your nature of feeling. It's like there's so much energy in there. There's just like anxiety is naturally going to come forward.

Shay Frago (24:33.675)
that creates obviously a disconnect if you're not communicating and like all the things so then usually once the like disconnect feels that's usually when the anxious attachment will come out in me but i was like well that's i've always found it kind of fascinating about myself because i was like i'm not avoiding but because it's not i'm not like the textbook avoidant like the way they describe it in the book but anyways

I'd be super curious to know like how do you use and spend your time being single?

Rebecca Espinoza (25:13.967)
I'll preface it starting with this. I love being single because I get to use my time however the way I want.

Shay Frago (25:23.144)
Yeah.

Rebecca Espinoza (25:24.559)
And I think I definitely use this time to drop more into my creativity. Like I want to write more. I'm just creating more. Like I'm investing my time more in these projects that make me happy. Like the podcast. I am like making travel plans that I can just do by myself or I can do with my friends. And I'm also using this time to kind of deepen into potentially like my studies, like a

part of education that maybe I'm learning or like right now I'm taking my permaculture course or and usually depending on like where I'm feeling how I'm feeling with where I am in life I'll do some sort of like personal inner work so we are really big on to be magnetic so TBM work because it's self-paced and self-guided that's the stuff that you know I'm just like okay I know there's some blockages that I have around XYZ I have the time now to like

work on this and do it. So I think being single, take the opportunity to have like a holistic experience of myself. Like I'm just like, all of me, let's explore all of me and like my interests and like where where I need to grow still. And I think I'm just using that also as an opportunity where I'm like, I'm becoming the version of myself that I know I want to bring into a relationship.

Shay Frago (26:28.725)
Totally, yeah.

Shay Frago (26:44.13)
Yeah, yeah, I would definitely agree with that. I've noticed that when a relationship dynamic ends for me, I am like full force in my business and making a shit ton of money. I feel like that's the bursts that I have when it comes to like

Rebecca Espinoza (26:57.784)
Mm-hmm.

Shay Frago (27:02.77)
Furthering my goals, but specifically in my business. I've noticed that's like where I pour all my energy into is channeling it through my work and I think it's a cathartic experience for me because it does tap me into like my creativity and like the impact and it just like helps me turn some of that sadness or grief might be experiencing when a relationship ends into something and I just like focus hard on that and I just feel like

I know that when I meet someone or I start to date someone and I'm seeing them consistently, my energy kind of pulls back in that area a little bit where it's like, of course, naturally you want to hang out with the person getting to know. And so, yeah, I would say I definitely do the perfect development work, I really use this time to be very selfish with my time where I'm like, I just want to work and pursue my goals and

how I can get further along without feeling, because I kind of feel guilty sometimes where I'm like, my career feels a little more important than the person that I'm seeing, just because I haven't quite got where I want to be yet. And so I feel like when I'm in periods of being truly single and not even dating, it feels good to just feel like I can be kind of like what you said, just do whatever the heck it is I want with my time, which for me it is.

It is all in my business.

Rebecca Espinoza (28:33.742)
Yeah, I think that just also, we might go on a tangent here, but I think that just naturally opens a conversation of is it possible to have it all? And I think people, well, I think that's something people struggle with in this modern day world. Like I think it is possible to have it all, but not at the same time, but I think that's what...

Shay Frago (28:47.632)
So yeah.

Shay Frago (28:56.698)
Not at the same time.

Rebecca Espinoza (29:02.039)
needs to be understood because I'm still trying to be okay with that. I'm still trying to be okay with the fact that like, no, I want to be thriving in my professional life and in my creativity while also having a very beautiful and deep and expansive romantic relationship while also traveling a lot while also having great fulfilling friendships. And that's a lot of energetic bandwidth. But you know,

Shay Frago (29:28.535)
Yeah.

Rebecca Espinoza (29:29.977)
Sometimes friendships end over this stuff because, maybe someone is choosing to nurture their career and their romantic relationship. So they're pulling away from their friendship and you don't feel them that person in your life anymore. things like, so that's, think that it's very complex and nuanced in this modern day world because way back when it was so much more simple, know, people didn't have as much opportunity, I think, to go and live and explore.

that it was easy, it just made sense. You're like, yeah, community, friends, and community, your family, your partner, and whatever job you're working, that's it.

Shay Frago (30:09.065)
Yeah, yeah, that's very true. I feel like it just kind of depends on like how much time and energy you want to give each of your pillars, of course. And I think it's like having grace with ourselves, the fact like you can't give 100 % to every single area. And life is cyclical and seasonal. there's gonna be yeah, because I do believe we can have it all but

Rebecca Espinoza (30:29.359)
Mm-hmm.

Shay Frago (30:35.701)
you can't have 100 % of all of it at the same time. That's just like, awesome.

Rebecca Espinoza (30:39.085)
Yeah, that's about it's like what it is the truth with our limited capacity as humans energy and also a day hours in the day. And I think, you know, it's hard truth that if you are in a committed relationship with someone that you are going to build a life with, they should be at your top priority. So that means they are going to bump down something else that maybe was that number two.

They shouldn't be your number one. should always, you yourself should always be your number one. So, or maybe your career is your number two. I remember, my God, there is this podcast. What is it? The School of Life. I think that's what it's called. It may be called. But the host, he's a very like high functioning, like, you know, just like get shit done in life and like entrepreneur and things like that and into wellness, whatever.

Shay Frago (31:10.167)
Yeah.

Rebecca Espinoza (31:34.231)
working on himself and something he told his partner when they first met when they got on a date and you know they're married now but he was like I have to be honest with you he's like I tell women when I tell women this a lot of them are not okay with it so I'm gonna be honest he's like you're never gonna be my number one because I'm my number one priority you're also not gonna be my number two because I think he said my businesses or my health my mental well-being my well-being is my number two

you're not gonna be my number three because my business, growing my business and my career path that I'm on is my number three. But when I do all of those things, I feel so full and I feel so nourished that when I give myself to you, you're gonna have me fully. Yeah, you're gonna feel like you're my number one in that moment because I'm so filled up with all of the other areas of my life that I prioritize that when you receive me.

Shay Frago (32:19.54)
It's going to feel like you're my number.

Rebecca Espinoza (32:31.127)
you're fully gonna feel me. And I actually really loved that perspective. And I think I feel the same way about how I am in partnership. And I feel like I would want a partner who feels the same way about his life and would meet me there with that and understands that about me as well. So I don't think that's a traditional way of relating because I think a lot of people would be like, your life partner should be your number one.

And I think that's a very archaic and dated perspective.

Shay Frago (33:02.021)
I for sure, they're more, I would almost say, I think it's more females who would think that. Just because that's, we're bred differently than men, period. And I know I have grappled with being a female in today's modern day world, feeling guilty that my goals need to be at a priority over my relationship and not.

And I wouldn't even say that both are important to me, right? Both of them matter so much to me in different ways, but it was something I always kind of struggled with where it's like, if you're getting, if like this relationship is taking away from my goals and that person supportive of it, then like it was problematic for me with some people where I'm like, but if I don't feel like fulfilled in my like full bucket of life, then like I just, I'm not gonna be happy and then I'm resent the relationship and like all these things. And I just think like,

Rebecca Espinoza (33:42.137)
Mm-hmm.

Shay Frago (33:58.926)
I feel like I had the programming of like, no, like females make their husband or their person like their number one thing. And I just don't think I just don't really agree with that. I definitely resonate with that saying as well, because I definitely feel that for sure.

Rebecca Espinoza (34:16.591)
Mm-hmm.

Shay Frago (34:18.557)
Yeah, um, what was I gonna say? I lost, I lost the question. Oh, well speaking of all of that then, how do you stay grounded and self-assured when the pressure to find someone creeps in?

Rebecca Espinoza (34:36.227)
Hmm.

Shay Frago (34:37.157)
or the urge to merge. heard that recently in podcast. think was, I think it was Madeline Moon who's just like, and like as the, when you have that urge to merge, like the state ground, I'm like, my God, I fully get that.

Rebecca Espinoza (34:39.439)
who said that? That's hilarious, the urge to burp.

Rebecca Espinoza (34:53.327)
the urge to merge. couldn't be more accurate for the feminine. Like, yeah, just kind of like there should be fucked open by God. Madeline Moon, would totally see that being wordplay for her. Yeah, I think this has been coming up for me in some ways lately because I have been single for so long.

Shay Frago (35:01.06)
No.

Rebecca Espinoza (35:20.911)
And I kind of was just like, hmm, should I get back on the app? And then I got I got do you know the that experience dating experience? I went viral on Instagram. It originally was only in New York, but it's called Matchbox. And oh, you haven't seen I think you would love it. So basically you show up to this party. It's like a mingling experience at a bar or whatever, whatever location venue. And you take a

Shay Frago (35:29.736)
Okay.

Rebecca Espinoza (35:49.423)
survey a questionnaire when you get there. And then their algorithm matches you with other people that are there that are really aligned with you based on your answers. And then throughout the night, and then you're just like, you don't know who you're matched with. So you're just like talking, connecting with people. And then throughout the night, there's like timestamps where you'll get a text and you'll get who your match is. And I think you get three different matches throughout the night. So it's three different timestamps. So then you like...

Shay Frago (35:59.623)
Hello.

Rebecca Espinoza (36:16.047)
go and meet or try to find your match and like who your match is. So it's it's a really fun experience alternative to like I guess speed dating. So. Mm Yeah, I think it's just more up to date and modern. So they was only exclusively in New York. So now they're offering it in L.A. and I got an email and they're like, sign up like it's here. And I was like, oh, my gosh, should I do it? And I was I had the urge to marriage and I was like, this could be.

Shay Frago (36:20.169)
Yeah, was gonna say, sounds better, but better.

Shay Frago (36:41.584)
Just the experience.

Rebecca Espinoza (36:43.343)
I didn't do it because I just feel like I'm very much in my internal world right now that I don't have I really don't have space to like expand externally, especially after my last dating experience. So what I do I think is I dive into the things that make me happy. Like I dive into the kind of life that I'm building even without my partner. I want to romanticize and love my life.

regardless if there is a person in it. I want to still build a life that I fucking love and I'm obsessed with, even if there is not a romantic partner in it with me. And, and I think this is a piece that has been getting me through it. That life that I built is naturally going to attract a man, my partner, that is in a similar vibration and frequency to match that kind of life. So I truly feel like I'm still evolving and

creating and building the life that I know is like this next version of connected to this next version of myself. So that person is going to come and meet me there. And even my like one of my mentors, asked me, he's like, how's your love life doing? And I literally laughed and I was like, well, I'm living in LA and dating in LA. So here's that. He tells you that. And he told me, he's like, you know what? He's like, I have a feeling like

Shay Frago (37:44.498)
Yeah.

Rebecca Espinoza (38:05.497)
you're deep in this permaculture world now, like I have a feeling you're gonna meet a man in this field. And I was like, you know what? That is the kind of man that I wanna meet who's into this kind of work and way of living because that's the path I'm on one day. I want a man who is absolutely okay with having a homestead in some stores and who is okay with being in that kind of more like slower but luxurious way of living, like kind of those reels that we're always sending to each other.

Shay Frago (38:32.508)
Yeah.

Rebecca Espinoza (38:34.959)
So I know I'm still in the building phase and he probably is too. So our paths are going to meet at some point when we're in that expression of like we're ready. So that's what's been helping me is just like keep building and romanticizing the life that I fucking love for myself and like being so clear on that vision. And when I turned 29, that vision became so much more clear and I know it's just going to keep gaining more luminosity with how I want to live my life. So.

Shay Frago (38:41.584)
Yeah.

Rebecca Espinoza (39:04.643)
That's how I work with it or navigate it. But yeah, what about you?

Shay Frago (39:09.24)
Basically the same. I like to write letters to those personally. I will ruminate. I'll definitely ruminate sometimes like if I'm really in the long year and the ache or just like feeling just like, like I don't want to be single anymore. Like if I'm feeling that kind of feels that come up. I did. I wrote myself a letter and I probably will rewrite it now that I'm like in a different place of singleness but

Rebecca Espinoza (39:13.103)
Mmm.

Rebecca Espinoza (39:36.089)
Mm-hmm.

Shay Frago (39:37.951)
I remember writing myself a letter because there was a point in time that I had no single friends and it was hard because I was like going to a wedding and every time I saw like someone was getting engaged like I'm engaged, I'm engaged or like, you know, all these announcements and this was prior to like meeting some of the friends that I've met now like you where it's like I do have healthy single friends now. I think that's important for you to have a person. Otherwise,

Rebecca Espinoza (39:48.911)
Hmm.

Rebecca Espinoza (40:06.723)
Honestly, yeah.

Shay Frago (40:07.53)
going through that season alone and like everyone around you being married or like even in my case sometimes here at my home now it's like everyone's married or like having kids or whatever and sometimes it does get a little like ooh because everyone be like like me my husband are doing this and I'm doing this and I like wanted to hang out with friends and like okay well I'm the single friend so I guess I'm just gonna have to do something by myself and like I don't mind that and sometimes it just sucks and so it's like I will

I wrote that part of me a letter to remind myself that there's a way greater reason that I cannot understand now and the day that one day when I look back at this time of my life, I'm just gonna miss it. I'm gonna miss having that freedom of doing whatever the heck it is I want, not needing to consider someone else. There are beautiful parts of a relationship and there are beautiful parts of being single. Neither is better nor worse, but you will never get this kind of freedom back.

So that's what I remind myself. it's like, okay, if you, and I kind of posed the question of like, if you knew that like your person was going to be here like tomorrow, how would you want to live out this day, pull out as a single person? And it's the same thing, filling my cup up, figuring out what the heck it is I want to do, like, what else do I want to create, blah, blah, blah, all of those things. And I just think it's a, I have to remind myself, I just have to remind myself that this season,

Rebecca Espinoza (41:18.137)
Yeah.

Shay Frago (41:35.299)
is really great if I can allow it to be great while not bypassing it. Sometimes it just sucks.

Rebecca Espinoza (41:41.303)
Yeah, I think that's a multifaceted experience being single because yeah, sometimes you're just like, I love it. I don't have to consider anyone else. I can just be like, all right, I'm doing this with my best friends and don't have to tell anyone. No updates, whatever. No check ins. It's whatever plan my life. And then other times it's yeah, like the aching. It's so real. And honestly, something, something I know I'm not going to be alone forever.

Shay Frago (41:43.442)
Yeah.

Rebecca Espinoza (42:09.731)
But no, but it is something that I've had to like kind of work on of just like, what if I like, what would that mean? You know, and like, what would that experience be like? If I like allowing myself to go there and I think it's an edge to be like, am I okay with being alone in that aspect? Because I don't think I'd be alone. Like I would have community, but be alone of like, I have cousins, you know, who aren't married. And she's like, I'm okay now. One of my cousins, she's like, I'm okay now. And she's in her 40s. She's like, I don't have to get married. And I'm like, wow, that's.

That's big of you, but that's definitely, I think a fear I've had to work through, like, am I gonna be alone forever? But honestly, another fear that I've had was, and I don't know if you felt this when you were single for so long, but I'm like, do I even know how to be in a relationship anymore? Like a romantic relationship, because I'm so used to being individual and making my own decisions, which you are still an individual when you're in a romantic relationship. But that's a fear that I have, actually, and I expressed it to the last guy that I did. was like,

Shay Frago (42:40.563)
Okay.

Shay Frago (43:01.105)
If.

Rebecca Espinoza (43:09.347)
Honestly, don't sometimes I worry that I don't know how to be in a relationship anymore. Is this is something

Shay Frago (43:14.833)
I mean, I didn't realize I had commitment issues until I was getting my dog. You remember, like, I was like, I don't know if I can actually be in a relationship anymore because I don't know. I was already feeling like when I got my dog, Athena, that's her name. I was like, dude, this means that like I have to consider her. I have to go home sometimes or I have to like, like I just had to consider her and

I was like, I don't know if I want to do that. She has to be a part of my life at least 10 years because dogs live that long. was like, oh my God, can I commit to her for 10 years? And that's when it started to bring up, I'm like, oh my God, if this is how I'm feeling about a dog, this is probably how I feel having a boyfriend. And I was like, maybe I'm not actually ready to be in a relationship. And I was like, no, that's all just very normal after being single for so long. then...

For me at least, it came from a place of just remembering that every relationship is going to have a healthy level of compromise. And I just saw it as like, I'm to have to sacrifice. And it was a big...

Rebecca Espinoza (44:17.775)
Yeah.

Rebecca Espinoza (44:21.935)
Hmm.

Shay Frago (44:23.653)
I definitely went through something similar, I think, yeah, I had to shift the perspective.

Rebecca Espinoza (44:29.251)
Yeah, healthy compromise, think that's key versus like, this is sacrifice. And yeah, I just think that's like important to like state because I think for people who have been single for so long that go back into the dating experience, you may move through that. And I'm definitely like, you know, every time like, I don't know, like, but this is why it's important to be in relationships because if not, we're just going to be selfish forever. And that's not really beneficial for humanity. So.

Shay Frago (44:58.517)
No. No. Or yeah, like, you date or you're in a relationship and then you date a selfish person and both of you become selfish. I've witnessed that in people and I'm like, that's not... But okay, to each their own. Relationships are so fascinating.

Rebecca Espinoza (45:13.497)
Mm-hmm.

Rebecca Espinoza (45:18.497)
I love it. I love diving into the nuances of it all.

Shay Frago (45:21.399)
I just love watching people.

Rebecca Espinoza (45:24.587)
I know, and that's why I think we get so into shows and stuff that I have nuanced, like really complex relationship dynamics because we need like psychoanalyze it all.

Shay Frago (45:28.057)
Now

Shay Frago (45:34.591)
absolutely. But I don't know what has been something like unexpected for you about people that like you learned about yourself or realized about yourself.

Rebecca Espinoza (45:47.321)
Hmm.

Rebecca Espinoza (45:53.263)
I think it was just that piece that I shared honestly and of like, oh man, will I actually know how to be in a relationship? I think the flip side, the other expression of that is like, I really love being alone. Like I was so, once I got deeper and deeper into like singlehood, I was like, wow, I love being by myself and I love spending time by myself. I love doing things by myself.

Shay Frago (46:08.279)
Yeah.

Rebecca Espinoza (46:20.223)
And I love having like, I have internal dialogue with myself and conversations with myself all the time. So, you know, that can be healthy, but also that can be like, again, can disconnect you sometimes from important relationships. Like I have to remind myself of like, don't do that with your friends. You know, don't just like, just prefer not to like be in relation with your friends. So.

That was a big win for me with being single because I was I was very codependent in my long term relationship. We I think we both were in some ways, but I definitely was. then and then, yeah, and I think that happens. It's obviously like you don't know any better and it's an attachment thing. But and then I found myself like being codependent with like some of my friends. I'm just like, I couldn't do things by myself.

And then when I started doing things by myself, I was just like, wow, this is like amazing. And I just love like being alone. So I think that was an unexpected thing that I've realized with being single that I really love. Yeah. Are you on the same boat or?

Shay Frago (47:20.081)
Yeah.

Shay Frago (47:29.299)
Yeah, I would say same, same, but slightly different maybe. I remember during the pandemic, we were all alone, right? Some of us. But I genuinely, my roommate, laid off and she moved back to Canada immediately once the pandemic hit. And all my friends that had lived in the Bay Area at that time pretty much moved away. So I didn't have a lot of friends in the

Rebecca Espinoza (47:56.003)
Hmm.

Shay Frago (47:56.747)
have had family there. So they like traveled back home to their families and were like with their family. So I was like, literally alone a lot. And at first it was kind of like, oh man, this kind of like that sucks. Like life just changed drastically for all of us. And that's how it changed for me. And I didn't have a job because I just quit my job. I was like, I have never in my life had this much time and space. And I remember during that year of 2020, I was like,

Rebecca Espinoza (48:15.822)
Mm-hmm.

Shay Frago (48:26.314)
I really like myself. Like I don't think I ever spent so much time with myself to like realize that like I'm a pretty cool person. Thinking that was like, I'm having so much fun with myself. I think I was like drawing at the park or some shit. don't know. I literally, yeah, I was like coloring in a mandala human color book or something literally doing something very childlike.

Rebecca Espinoza (48:35.471)
Mm-hmm.

Rebecca Espinoza (48:42.209)
Exactly, doing things like that, you're just like, wow.

Rebecca Espinoza (48:51.545)
Yeah.

Shay Frago (48:52.33)
by myself and had spent the whole day by myself. think I'd made myself a breakfast, went on a walk, did things for my business, went to the park and just enjoyed the sunshine. I was like, I really enjoy my company. I was like, I wonder if other people feel this way being with themselves because it just made me realize I got into a place in my life that I was comfortable in my own skin and I really enjoyed my own company and I liked myself so much. I was like, man.

Whoever I end up with is gonna be so lucky because I'm so fun to be around because I was having so much fun by myself. Like literally having my own conversations if someone else is there with me. Doing the things as if someone else is there, having my own dance parties. I just like had never felt that much genuine self-love and I didn't even know it was possible and I think like that was very surprising to me because I don't know that people would have...

Rebecca Espinoza (49:23.395)
Yeah.

Shay Frago (49:49.256)
unless you spend that time by yourself. And I'm grateful for that because I think now when I go into any relationship, I can appreciate, I can just appreciate things differently.

Rebecca Espinoza (49:52.015)
Mm-hmm.

Rebecca Espinoza (50:05.071)
Yeah, think just the learning to be by yourself and loving to be by yourself because you love yourself is a big one. Like I think what you see depicted in what we I think us growing up what we saw depicted and as adolescents and in our early 20s probably in the media once you break up and you're single, it's like, all right, time to party time to like, you know, get messed up with like your friends and just like that's how we process things. And you're just going to date and date and date and date and just like that.

of like a numbing experience, right? Like it wouldn't be exciting to show us coloring at the park in a mandala by ourselves and just like sitting under the sunshine because you're enjoying yourself so much. That's like not very much like a thing. Actually, they kind of show that a little bit in the movie we just watched, The Life List, where she broke up with her partner.

Shay Frago (50:41.072)
I'm sorry.

Rebecca Espinoza (51:00.121)
fiancee and she was like she was just doing more things like for herself. She obviously had a companion along the way, but she was like spending a lot of time doing things by herself. So I did like that depiction in the media of just like figuring yourself out and knowing yourself after the ending of a relationship is essential.

Shay Frago (51:00.2)
Yeah

Shay Frago (51:20.101)
Yeah, yeah, I definitely agree with that. I feel like we've both already said it. What our favorite thing about being famous is being alone, I suppose. I don't know. Is there something else you would say there?

Rebecca Espinoza (51:37.741)
Hmm...

No, I feel like that's like my main thing of just like really learning myself more. But you learn about yourself and you're in a relationship, but when it's just you and your own being and channel, it's really different. I really, mean, that's why when I, my last guy that I dated, like he had that realization. He was like, I wasn't really like by myself after my breakup and whatever. He's like, I haven't like fully like just

Shay Frago (51:51.459)
different.

Rebecca Espinoza (52:09.433)
been by myself, I was like, you know what, I get it. And I'm encouraging you to take it. And I'm not mad about it. I mean, kind of mad about it because you dated me when you shouldn't have. But like, I am a huge proponent for being by yourself because you learn things that you probably hopefully you would learn things about yourself that you wouldn't have when you're single.

Shay Frago (52:34.767)
For sure. Yeah, I think. I think, yeah, my favorite thing of being single, I already said it is like, that time fluidity, because it's just really, everything's on your own clock, for the most part. And that is really nice. So yeah, what about

Like any moments where you felt like, holy cow, like being single has been really great and I'm thriving.

Rebecca Espinoza (53:11.215)
Hmm.

Rebecca Espinoza (53:15.501)
Yeah, that's a great question.

Rebecca Espinoza (53:22.191)
I would say when I finally stepped, like in my mid-20s, like probably like 23 to 25 when I stepped in, no, I would say like 22 up until like 24 when I stepped into this like finally feeling okay with being by myself and getting curious about my...

interests that I wouldn't have felt comfortable voicing to the partner that I was with at the time, my boyfriend. I think that was a big aha for me where I remembered I was like, well, I'm really fucking happy right now because I am getting to know myself. So I think at the end of the day, like that, I just keep coming back to that, like getting to know yourself and getting to explore your curiosities and your interests because you can. And I think when you're more honest with yourself during this period of

your life of like what you actually want to do, who you want to be and what you're interested in. When you're really honest and like true with yourself about that, it becomes easier to share those parts of yourself in relationship because and then you don't feel at least for me, I felt like I was closeted in some ways, you know. And I remember when I started getting down this like path of woo woo and spirituality and mysticism.

Shay Frago (54:37.346)
Thank

Rebecca Espinoza (54:42.447)
I was, I felt very like a closeted witch and I was like, I'm gonna be like rejected because of I'm gonna be weird and considered weird for these things that I'm interested in. And with the people, the men that I date. And I remember the friend, this is like after having been single for so long, last long-term situationship, my ex, like, you know, I was talking about some,

Shay Frago (54:50.337)
Okay.

Rebecca Espinoza (55:09.423)
myself, some of the things that I'm interested in or whatever. And he picked up on it so quickly. He was like, oh, yeah, you're a witch. He's like, yeah, he's like, I can, I know that. Like I can tell by just like the way you talk. And I loved that he said that about me because I, like he was just in full acceptance of that because I was an acceptance of that. And because of that, because I was more honest about who I was, I was attracting men.

who are gonna be okay with that. And even men who were being newly exposed to that world, when I talk so confidently about these things that I'm interested in the paths that I walk, they have a lot of intrigue. They're just like, hmm, I've never heard of that stuff, but tell me more. Like, I'm kind of curious and just like, it's been like that.

Shay Frago (55:38.969)
Okay.

Shay Frago (55:56.051)
Yeah.

Rebecca Espinoza (56:00.175)
moving forward with all of my relationships. Now I'm just like, take me or leave me. I don't fucking care, but this is who I am and this is an important part of my existence. And you're gonna feel that in me. And if you can't meet me there, you're not like, or you can't accept that part of me. You're not for me. So I think it's just like, that's me thriving where I'm just like, I am so okay and confident in these interests that I have and these expressions of who I am as a multifaceted woman.

Shay Frago (56:14.373)
Yeah.

Rebecca Espinoza (56:28.847)
to bring them into our relationships because I've just become comfortable with myself and that wasn't an easy thing to do. Like when I look back when I was like 19 and like 21, 22, like I was like, oh, I was like a little baby.

Shay Frago (56:46.45)
I literally have been like, I don't even know who I was. I'm like, yeah, I used to, I'm like, wow, like crazy different now.

Rebecca Espinoza (56:59.115)
Mm-hmm. Absolutely. What's been your experience with, like, thriving in your...

Shay Frago (57:00.37)
Yeah.

Shay Frago (57:06.194)
Honestly, it was kind of recent. I would say that time and time that I talked about where I was like, love being alone. That was definitely a moment where I experienced probably a level of that. But I would say I really genuinely had a moment in early 2023. So like a couple years ago where I finally was settled into my home here in Reno.

obsessed with my cute little house. It just couldn't be more perfect for me and landed in this home where it also called in community for me. I had been eight months into the job that I'm currently at and I love my job. like, it's not what I want to do forever. I'm like, if it was what I did forever, I would be at peace with this. This would be fulfilling life for me. I had just created community.

Rebecca Espinoza (57:58.777)
Mm-hmm.

Shay Frago (58:03.918)
I was exploring my new city. I was like coming out on the other end of like a heartbreak and finally feeling like I had the home that I was manifesting out here for like a bit. And I was like doing my business. I had a job that I was happy with. I was teaching like fitness that I'm obsessed with like community both here in Reno and in LA. Like we had started the podcast, like so many things.

Rebecca Espinoza (58:10.532)
Mm-hmm.

Shay Frago (58:31.184)
had landed and I just remember having a moment like I remember dreaming about living this life and I was just so happy and felt so fulfilled and just good in my own skin and like the path that I was on that I was I literally was like I don't I know that I'm not gonna be alone but if this was like as good as it got for me like I would die a happy girl and that meant a lot to me and then literally like two months later I met

person I dated that year who was an angel. And so I was like, wow, like it really was one of those moments that the him that would have entered my life would have just been like a cherry on top of like this perfect day. And I think that's how it should feel personal. It should person but I think like when you are that fulfilled and operating from such a full cup like you're in overflow that a person entering your life

Rebecca Espinoza (59:11.746)
Exactly.

Rebecca Espinoza (59:16.655)
Hmm?

Shay Frago (59:28.795)
neither it doesn't change anything. And I think that is a powerful, healthy place to be. So yeah, I would say that's when I realized like, I'm doing really good.

Rebecca Espinoza (59:40.737)
Yeah, it's that experience of thriving and knowing like, that person is a complimentary piece. They're not like my necessary piece that I like I need to have. It's like they were a complimentary piece to my life, which is great to be in. Yeah.

Shay Frago (59:56.41)
Yeah, yeah, exactly. I know. Anything else alive on this topic for you?

Rebecca Espinoza (01:00:03.215)
I think this is a great conversation that we had about, yeah, I'm excited for us to be single together again, because it has been for, it's been so long.

Shay Frago (01:00:14.106)
I've literally always... this is...

Rebecca Espinoza (01:00:16.975)
Remember we said we were going to like, we should just fucking create a best friend data profile and just do it for the pod. Honestly, it could be great data collection.

Shay Frago (01:00:21.408)
We should do it for the podcast.

Shay Frago (01:00:30.419)
I think it could be a fun experience just to have the experience.

Rebecca Espinoza (01:00:34.157)
Yeah, I think, yeah, going on a double date, we've never done that before, so...

Shay Frago (01:00:38.286)
I've never been single with any of my single friends.

Rebecca Espinoza (01:00:41.743)
I mean, if you're in LA, we could do it when you're in LA, we could do it in LA and then we can be activate the profile when I was in Reno. But I don't know if my man is in Reno, but.

Shay Frago (01:00:57.178)
You never know, there's transplants here, so... Yeah.

Rebecca Espinoza (01:01:01.167)
True. Very true. Very true. So we'll report back about that experience if it happens.

Shay Frago (01:01:08.418)
It will happen. feel like we need to make it happen. Just can be a cinematic moment.

Rebecca Espinoza (01:01:16.247)
I'm down for it. Is there an ad that's specifically for that though? Like for best friend, like friend. We should look into that.

Shay Frago (01:01:23.499)
There is an that I remember, I tried it out for a little while, I don't think it ever got popular the way Hinge and stuff did, but there is an app that your friends could swipe for you, or who you swipe on, can vote, of like, yes or no for you. I don't think you should, like, I don't you

Rebecca Espinoza (01:01:41.935)
I think I worked for a company that I interned for a company that did an app like that actually.

Shay Frago (01:01:48.087)
It was like fish of friends or friends of, I don't know, something like that. I thought it was really funny and I was like, that could be fun. I don't know. As long as our group of girlfriends have been single together, we somehow have never actually experienced being single together, which is...

Rebecca Espinoza (01:01:52.601)
That's so funny.

Rebecca Espinoza (01:01:58.659)
I'm Googling it right now.

Rebecca Espinoza (01:02:08.361)
No, and a lot of us are, we're all single right now, right?

Shay Frago (01:02:13.909)
Yeah. We are, and we're all in like the same same but different of like I like I'm excited today but like not fully there yet.

Rebecca Espinoza (01:02:23.641)
Yeah, like it's not fully necessary. look, my God, this name of this app is hilarious. It's called, there's one called Foreplay, like four, number four.

Shay Frago (01:02:36.331)
okay.

Rebecca Espinoza (01:02:37.871)
And then there's another one called Double. So maybe we'll explore this.

Shay Frago (01:02:43.671)
double.

I know. I do remember.

Rebecca Espinoza (01:02:49.049)
What the fuck? 17 and up? Is that illegal? That's the age. That should not be legal. It needs to be 18.

That's funny.

Shay Frago (01:03:01.013)
Okay, we will close this episode now with humor for you guys.

Rebecca Espinoza (01:03:06.831)
We will report back on the progression of this potential experiment.

Shay Frago (01:03:16.221)
Alright, well thank you guys for tuning in. As always, let us know what you thought about this. Share this with your single friend or if you're single, spread the word so that you can be in a very happy, fulfilling, single girl or man era. And we'll catch you guys in the next episode.